Opening

Why hadn’t I seen that the price of being safe — is the cost of being solitary? Why hadn’t I seen that distrust can destroy a life? ~ Ann Voskamp

Friendship is a laying bare open kind of thing unless you of course are like most of us women out here who hold the everyday kind of friend at arms length. Fears, mistrust, old thinking messages from days long gone still play, and sourness is sunk in deep.
I have wondered for many years why I liked to be so solitary within my own spirit and soul. I often thought of myself as a person who was open and willing to be vulnerable. I was a bit blind because I found out that while I may have spoke the truth of what I felt or knew within, I held my arms in a great stretch between me and another.
I was in a protective mode. Childhood and teenage dagger wounds in my heart where to fresh for me to move on. I wasn’t willing to be hurt….even though I was as touchy as porcupine. Hurting me was as easy as a heart beating. It just happened. I was a long been wounded soul looking for love with spikes on.
But being alone and being unknown was too much for me and I would guess it is also to much for you. So what do you do? YOU REACH OUT. Not to many and any but to one in particular. One you have a draw to. One God given friend. That is what happened to me. It is through this friendship that I have learned much about myself and her. It has been a friendship of depth. A friendship of asking what, when, where, and why --the hard questions. Lots of people don’t like this kind of heart digging…and I didn’t until I started to feel the pleasure of realness. The shiny polish of shallow acquaintance - arms length friendship - wore off and I yearned for deep fellowship.
Its not easy ….it requires a love of the truth and grace for another and yourself. We are a people of hiding. Like Adam and Eve in the garden with the fig leaves. We do the same thing. We hide and dodge throw up our defenses, blaming, and accusations. All of which I did and still do as I am working through the layers of my inner mind and heart.
None of this is even possible without Christ and the Holy Spirit’s guidance. His sacrifice has secured us the position and standing of righteous. So through that we can walk this truthful, real and open relationship out.  The Holy Spirit brings the understand through revelation, and for us these revelations have often come as we bare our scars and reveal our shadowy sides to each other.

Who can bear living the whole of their lives and never learn what it means to really be a friend?
~Ann Voskamp

Jesus calls us HIS FRIENDS. With Jesus I can tell Him anything and He loves me still. He knows my darkness, hurts, fears and dreams. He doesn’t use them against me, he uses them to heal me.  He encourages me as I am in His presence. He counsels me in His ways. He teaches me about myself and more importantly about how to be more like Him, and I believe that the more we are like Jesus the more we will be this kind of Friend.
STARLA
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MONDAY MOTTO: Join Motto!!

Why Monday Motto is Important!

Monday Motto is about putting into words what the Lord is speaking to you or what lesson you are gleaning from your experiences through the week.

We encourage you to share your MOTTO with us. If you are a BLOGGER. Copy and Paste our button and do MONDAY MOTTO on your blog. Put our BUTTON at the top of your post. Add your name and blog link in the Mr. Linky above...and don’t forget to leave a comment. :0)

If you are not a blogger or you would just like to share your motto join us on FRIENDSHIPS OF LOVE FACEBOOK PAGE and add your motto there. Motto Title in the post then add the goodies for it in the comment space below it.

The Point of Monday Motto is to cause each of us to become MORE AWARE of what is happening in us, through us, and to us during the week.

The Lord gave us the understanding that a three fold cord can not be easily broken!!

KNOW SHARE SERVE is the THREE FOLD CORD. It can be used in many different type of situations.

In relationships ...get to KNOW others, SHARE of yourself, become partners to SERVE each other.

Also in every relationship you have there is 3 CORDS...1st cord is YOU...2nd cord is A FRIEND ...3rd cord is CHRIST --with that in mind we should be mindful of how we treat each other, that we be respectful, that we be honest.

In learning and sharing your knowledge...become more aware (KNOW) and put your experience into words (SHARE) then you can be a resource for others (SERVE.)

In your Spiritual walk...get to KNOW God through the Word...SHARE honestly in prayer....Put what you learn in to action and SERVE.

NONE OF US corner the market on knowledge ...that is why we are to be of a Teachable Spirit. We all learn in layer....line upon line.

Thanks for Joining us!!
F and L'er
Starla

CLICK HERE for todays Motto called HURT : http://friendshipsoflove.blogspot.com/2010/09/monday-motto-hurt.html

or just scroll down :0)

Quote to think about...

‎'Tis great confidence in a friend to tell him your faults, greater to tell him his. -Benjamin Franklin

The Business of Friendship

The point of having a FRIENDSHIP of LOVE is so that you can have a place to KNOW, SHARE and SERVE.

Tina and I have been friends for a long time and every year that is added it just keeps getting sweeter. God placed us together in the same family by marriage, our husbands are brothers. God made us sisters in Christ, sisters in law and best friends. We are both the kind of women who seek out truth, want our walk to match our talk and we also are very strong personalities.

Over the years we have noticed a pattern in our walk with the Lord and each other. He tends to keep us hand in hand no matter how far apart we are. There was a time we were apart for a year ( that's a story for another time)  and when the Lord reunited us we were learning the same things and could couple up hand in hand again. He uses her to teach me much. She sees things no one else does. She hears what I am saying when I am not speaking out loud.

Some think that BEING FRIENDS means you always get along, never have an issue.....always click!!   Best Friends isn't something you make happen....it is something the Lord grows and sometime the person He has linked you with isn't the easiest person to get along with but is the best person for your growth and spiritual maturity. Be Discerning....

 I can tell you BEING FRIENDS is work!!

It is having patience ......you know things about your friend they may not see about themselves and you have to love them anyway slowly being a light bearer while they are learning.

It is being honest........you have to be willing to share truthfully, being real and vulnerable, trusting.....or it isn't real!!

Its being alert....you have to watch your own behavior and thought/emotional processes....friendships fold because of selfishness.

Its being willing to learn........you have to have a teachable spirit....your friend sees those things in you that you don't know about or think you have.

FRIENDS is a BIG DEAL!!  It is SERIOUS BUSINESS!! It is also the GREATEST JOY!!

It is TO KNOW another truly.....It is TO SHARE yourself truly....It is to SERVE each other FULLY!!!

F and L'er

Starla

A Friend

A friend shared these with me recently and I soo LOVE this & had to pass it on = )
Thank you, Siobhan & God Bless You for sharing! Tina

A Friend: The A-Z of Friendship
ccepts you as you are;
A
elieves in you;
B
alls you just to say hi;
C
oesn't give up on you;
D
nvisions the whole you;
E
orgives past mistakes;
F
ives unconditionally;
G
elps you;
H
nvites you over;
I
ust wants to be with you;
J
eeps you close at heart;
K
oves you for who you are;
L
akes a difference in your life;
M
ever judges;
N
ffers supports;
O
icks you up;
P
uiets your fears;
Q
aises your spirits;
R
ays nice things about you;
S
ells you the truth when you need to hear it;
T
nderstands you;
U
alues you;
V
alks beside you;
W
plains things you don't understand;
X
ells when you won't listen;
Y
aps you back to reality.
Z

Have a great day!

Tina = )

Friendships grow in truth and vulnerability

Been noticing as I am surfing the blog world that many people are searching for meaningful friendships. People, women, even pastors wives struggling to just have a friend to talk to ??? That should not be so!! But it is...

I was reading the comments over at Striving for 31 . The post is a question asked by the author for another person which happens to be a pastors wife.

Excerpt: What I am struggling with right now is a lack of close friendships.......I have "friends" in our church, but you and I both know that can be tricky water to navigate. I am part of a home school group here, so I do have that outlet, but as far as a deep, close friendship with another woman here, I just don't have it..... as a ministry family, you are sorta in no man's land.....Anyway, the basic question is how as a ministry wife do you find your "place?" How do you forge those close friendships outside of your church without missing potential close friendships inside the church. Are close friendships in the church even a good idea?


Just reading this breaks my heart.

 I have Felt that way...that I didn't have a Real Friend that I couldn't Be Who I Was...

When I look at this situation I cant help but think PEOPLE have toooooooooooooooo HIGH expectations on their Pastor and his Wife if they feel like they can't be CLOSE FRIENDS with the people in their congregations. ISN'T that the point!!?? To know and be known by each other...to love one another.... Help and Grow and Learn from one another. Do we put them UP UP UP on a pedestal soooooo HIGH that we don't allow them to be who they are. Weaknesses and All.....Warts and ALL....They are Christ's too. Reaching toward the Goal like the rest of us.

I call to us all............BE REAL no matter where you are!! No matter who you are talking too!!! Just be real. Yes, it is scary...BUT SO IS LIVING A LIE!!

Real Friendship are grown in TRUTH and VULNERABILITY!!

F and L'er
Starla

Quote

"Friendship consists of a willing ear, an understanding heart and a helping hand."

Frank Tyger

Have a great day!

Tina Smith

Monday Motto - Be of One Mind

Mark 10:8 - and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.


Monday Motto: Be of ONE MIND
My Pastor had asked us to take a spiritual gifts test that he provided for us. Over the past few weeks at my house I have been gathering information about the different types of gifts. My daughter (who is almost 12) saw the word celibacy on the spiritual gifts paper that she was taking and asked " What does the word celibacy mean?"

At first I said ...It means to not have sexual relations...and of course being almost 12 she looked at me like YUCK, MOM!!! After a few more minutes I said -  "It doesn’t just mean that, It also means to be separated unto God." (do we use the word unto anymore...lol) She liked that definition better of course. :0)

Well  lets look at this -separated unto God - thing more..

It says in 1 Cor 7: 32-34 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.

It says if you are married - YOUR INTERESTS ARE DIVIDED!! ...because you will be concerned about things surrounding your husband/wife. When I thought about this I was immediately swept up into my imagination and seeing how when you are JUST you and your following after the Lord things are pretty simple. BUT when you are married --  you are no longer two but one -- sounds like two minds in one body to me.. Basically if you and your husband are not on " the same page" so to speak then you are double minded couple.

Be of ONE mind the Lord says....2 Cor 13:11 be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.

Being of one mind creates an atmosphere of living in peace. Friendship with your spouse is important ...



Do you live in peace in your home with your spouse??? Is your spouse your FRIEND!

I don’t always live in peace with mine ...not like we would if we were of ONE MIND. We have different likes and dislikes, ideas, opinions about how to do things, and personalities. Sometimes being on the same page seems near to impossible. The foundation is Christ. God made us with all these differences knowing He would ask us to dwell together in peace and be of one mind. He sent Christ to bridge the gap.

If each of us focuses on Christ and what He has asked of us ..we will walk in love with each other..and not live selfishly expecting others to do all things our way.

F & L'er
Starla

Motto Monday - Stay Connected

Monday Motto : Stay Connected


Proverbs 18:1 He who willfully separates himself and estranges himself (from God and man) seeks his own desire and pretext to break out against all wise and sound judgment.

I read this verse and it just caught my eye.

Considering the fact that I am the type of person who is melancholy and a bit on the introverted side, I am one who willfully separates when I am hurt, angry, or upset in anyway. I have a habit of auto-isolation. I don’t want to be that way, But I am. I struggle with it. Pray for me!

It takes me great effort to reach out. I naturally want others to believe that I am GOOD! Well guess what I am learning....they can see that I AM NOT FINE!!! They can feel my vibe when I walk into church that I AM NOT GOOD! But nonetheless I keep up this idea for myself and my own so called sanity ... that I am good!!!

so lets bite into this and see what it is made of....

willfully separates --that means purposely disconnect myself from other people

and estranges -- that means to turn away from, keep at a distance and treat others like strangers

seeks his own desire -- wanting what I want when I want it ( example --I'm mad and I will only become happy when so and so does what makes me happy)

and pretext --that means to conceal the true purpose, to put up a misleading appearance ( example --Im fine!! *smile* when inside I am angry, hurt and need prayer but I am being willful and seeking my own way)

and all that is just NOT WISE

On the surface this may not seem like that big of a deal --besides we don’t want the whole world to know our business right??

The problem is that doing this is actually a prideful  my way or the highway kind of attitude.

I am sooooooo busted!!!! The WORD tends to do that !! huh??

A few years ago ...heck a couple of months ago I would not have written such a lay me open kind of blog post...but I believe that Friendships of Love is about KNOW, SHARE, SERVE. It is getting to KNOW others, to SHARE who I truly am, and finding a way to SERVE each other through that knowledge.

This past week I was able to SEE myself in the moment and say I am ALRIGHT with a shrug of NO IM NOT to my Pastor. ( I know! - not the best but I mustered a little reality there ..come on gimme some credit ..lol)  He had a great sentence to share at that moment that caused changes for me that week that I needed...if I would have pasted my smile on and went the --I'M GOOD *smile* way --I would still be in this same spot not dealing with any of it and continuing my willful way. Now I am a few more inches further than I was last week and seeking answers and being honest about where I am.

How many times have I not done that and missed out on having people lift me up in prayer...LORD knows I need it!! Stay Connected because we need truth and we need people.

Hmmmmmm seems that I sort of did a continuation of last weeks post Be Present ...

Thanks for listening

F & L'er

Starla

Are you satisfied???

Do have friends? Do they know you warts and all?? Not just that you have issues and they are all like really nice about it but that they know what those issues are, they love you anyway, they help you dig into the wart and find out what it is made of. Or do you even go there?

What is friendship to you? Is it just a nice cup of coffee together, is it a negative complaint dump site, is it a safe landing strip, is it an oasis from the harsh cruel world, is it a tormented show down of wits?? Or do you even think about that?

What do you really need in a friend? Do you have it or are you settling for a one sided listen to all their blah blah blahs? Is your friend truly interested in you? how do you know? can you tell? have you really thought about that? and are you that way to someone else? do you really care or are they just something to check of your list of weekly stuff to do?

It is real? Are you satisfied? or are you just dying to be known and to know TRULY?? Waiting .....hurting...in need of a companion. Are you one?

Prov 28:24a - A man that has friends must show himself friendly..

I am curious!

F and L'er

Starla

Steps To Friendship

This week its all about friendship in my daily devotionals. Had to share. God Bless! = )  

Tina Smith


July 15  - Every Day Light by Selwyn Hughes

Steps to friendship

For reading & meditation - Proverbs 18:1-24

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." (v.24)

Everyone needs a small circle of friends - even those who are married. I feel deeply sorry for anyone who does not have a friend. If friendship is so important, how do we go about making friends? The first step is - be friendly. The King James Version of our text for today says: "A man that hath friends must show himself friendly." You should not, however, become friendly just in order to gain a friend. This is a wrong motive because you are more interested in gaining a friend than being a friend. Self-centeredness will get you nowhere. Friendliness is the art of going out of yourself and appreciating others more than you appreciate yourself. It is really an attitude. Dale Carnegie in his book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, a secular approach to the subject but full of good sense nevertheless, said, "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." The main reason why people have no friends is because they demonstrate an unfriendly attitude. To have a friend - be one. The second step is - allow time for friendships to develop. Force no doors open in friendship but, like Christ in the book of Revelation, stand reverently at the door - and knock. Only if the door is opened from within should you go through. Some relationships you have with people may never develop into close friendships. Don't be upset about that. If you are open and friendly, then God will guide you and show you where deep friendships are to be developed.

Prayer:
Father, help me be a friend who does the knocking before I enter instead of knocking down after I have left. And show me not only how to sympathize with my friends' weaknesses, but summon up their strength. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

A friend with skin on

A friend with skin onFor reading & meditation - Proverbs 27:17-27
"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." (v.17)

Sometimes I hear Christians say, "Why do I need friends? God is my friend - isn't that enough?" Such a statement demonstrates a complete misunderstanding of the purpose of human relationships. Yes, we need God as our Friend - our close and most intimate Friend - but, as I once heard a little boy put it, "We need friends with skin on also." You won't know who you are until you are in a relationship. Paul Tillich, a well-known theologian, made the same point: "You don't really know yourself until you are put over against someone other than yourself." You see, if no one ever reflects to you how you come across, never challenges your views, never confronts you, never encourages you to talk out your problems, then parts of you remain undiscovered. Others can do that, of course, who are not friends, but it is best done by someone who knows you best. My favorite definition of a friend is: "someone who knows all there is to know about you and loves you just the same." Looking back on my life, I can see how valuable my friends have been to me. Because I have felt safe with them, I have been able to reveal myself and in the revealing I have come to know myself in a way that I could never have done with a mere acquaintance. Yes, we need God as our friend, but we need human friends also. This might be difficult for some to accept, but the more effectively we relate on a horizontal level with our human friends, the more effectively we will relate on a vertical level with our heavenly Friend.

Prayer:

Father, I see that my best friend is someone who brings out the best in me. Help me to be a best friend to someone - and bring out the best in that person. In Jesus' Name I ask it. Amen.

Have a great day!

Someone once said, "Success is when those who know you the best are those who love you the most."