Monday Motto: Detaching with Love

Detaching with Love
Sometimes people we love do things we don't like or approve of. We react. They react. Before long, we're all reacting to each other, and the problem escalates.
When do we detach? When we're hooked into a reaction of anger, fear guilt, or shame. When we get hooked into a power play--an attempt to control or force others to do something they don't want to do. When the way we're reacting isn't helping the other person or solving the problem. When the way were reacting is hurting us.
Often, it's time to detach when detachment appears to be the least likely, or possible, thing to do.
The first step toward detachment is understanding that reacting and controlling don't help. The next step is getting peaceful --getting centered and restoring our balance.
Take a walk. Leave the room. Go to a meeting. Take a long, hot bath. Call a friend. Call on God. Breathe deeply. Find peace. From that place of peace and centering yourself there will emerge an answer, a solution.
Today, I will surrender and trust that the answer is near.
I have been struggling here lately. Watching other people hurt others and not taking responsibility for that pain they inflict on others really bothers me, deeply... 
Life happens and relationships can be very challenging at times.  I hope this helps somebody today.
God Bless Your Monday Abundantly!
TiNa = )

MONDAY MOTTO : BE SURRENDERED

MONDAY MOTTO : BE SURRENDERED

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

My mom came to visit me over this past week. I really enjoyed my time with her. She kept making comments to me about my complaining while driving. Honestly I didn’t think that I had an issue until she pointed out ever HUFFY PUFFY, GRRRRRRRRR!!, What the? , DID you SEE that? and OH COME ON!!!!!!!!!! that I made while driving. I began to take a look at myself more closely. I had a complaint OFTEN on my lips. I immediately went to work of CONTROLLING MYSELF. Yeah..........:0/ that didn’t work so well. What I got was a deep brooding anger growing because now I was suppressing my anger.

I figured out what was needed.....SURRENDER!!!

When I gave up trying to do it in my own strength and said "LORD, I cant do this myself. You are my Life and I want to give you the reigns to my mouth. I need you Lord to do the work for me within" An amazing thing began to happen. I praised and thanked the drivers around me who were driving by the rules. MY FOCUS changed!!!

Yesterday my Pastor said sometimes we FOCUS on the wrong stuff. By being so UPSET over every driver out there that didn’t do right by MY RULES...I only fertilized that critical monster in me. My natural self wants to point fingers and blame the people on the road for not letting me on the highway, for not giving me enough room to get by or for going to slow. Well what I found out after my FOCUS adjustment was I was too slow, I was not patient, I was going to fast.

The way we handle things changes when we stop acting entitled because we are CHRISTIANS and actually BE CHRISTIAN!!

Surrender ...God knows how to fix it!!

F and L'er
Starla

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The Business of Friendship

The point of having a FRIENDSHIP of LOVE is so that you can have a place to KNOW, SHARE and SERVE.

Tina and I have been friends for a long time and every year that is added it just keeps getting sweeter. God placed us together in the same family by marriage, our husbands are brothers. God made us sisters in Christ, sisters in law and best friends. We are both the kind of women who seek out truth, want our walk to match our talk and we also are very strong personalities.

Over the years we have noticed a pattern in our walk with the Lord and each other. He tends to keep us hand in hand no matter how far apart we are. There was a time we were apart for a year ( that's a story for another time)  and when the Lord reunited us we were learning the same things and could couple up hand in hand again. He uses her to teach me much. She sees things no one else does. She hears what I am saying when I am not speaking out loud.

Some think that BEING FRIENDS means you always get along, never have an issue.....always click!!   Best Friends isn't something you make happen....it is something the Lord grows and sometime the person He has linked you with isn't the easiest person to get along with but is the best person for your growth and spiritual maturity. Be Discerning....

 I can tell you BEING FRIENDS is work!!

It is having patience ......you know things about your friend they may not see about themselves and you have to love them anyway slowly being a light bearer while they are learning.

It is being honest........you have to be willing to share truthfully, being real and vulnerable, trusting.....or it isn't real!!

Its being alert....you have to watch your own behavior and thought/emotional processes....friendships fold because of selfishness.

Its being willing to learn........you have to have a teachable spirit....your friend sees those things in you that you don't know about or think you have.

FRIENDS is a BIG DEAL!!  It is SERIOUS BUSINESS!! It is also the GREATEST JOY!!

It is TO KNOW another truly.....It is TO SHARE yourself truly....It is to SERVE each other FULLY!!!

F and L'er

Starla

You up for this?

#972   Ask What To Change

A person who is "wise in his own eyes" will not make positive changes. Since he thinks he is right, he is not aware of his negative and counterproductive behavior. But if a person is aware of his improper behavior, there is always hope that he will correct himself.

Today, ask someone whom you're close with what they would suggest that you change about yourself. (This is scary, but worth it!)
(see Vilna Gaon - Proverbs 26:12; Rabbi Pliskin - "Consulting the Wise")

A Friend

A friend shared these with me recently and I soo LOVE this & had to pass it on = )
Thank you, Siobhan & God Bless You for sharing! Tina

A Friend: The A-Z of Friendship
ccepts you as you are;
A
elieves in you;
B
alls you just to say hi;
C
oesn't give up on you;
D
nvisions the whole you;
E
orgives past mistakes;
F
ives unconditionally;
G
elps you;
H
nvites you over;
I
ust wants to be with you;
J
eeps you close at heart;
K
oves you for who you are;
L
akes a difference in your life;
M
ever judges;
N
ffers supports;
O
icks you up;
P
uiets your fears;
Q
aises your spirits;
R
ays nice things about you;
S
ells you the truth when you need to hear it;
T
nderstands you;
U
alues you;
V
alks beside you;
W
plains things you don't understand;
X
ells when you won't listen;
Y
aps you back to reality.
Z

Have a great day!

Tina = )

Monday Motto - Be Nice!

Monday Motto: Be nice!


Gal 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

This verse is the prototype of BEING A NICE PERSON. Some think that being a nice person means you give yourself away. You say yes to everything. How often do you hear "well I didn’t want to be rude!!"

Well if LOVE is being nice then Love means not giving in to things that are trying to manipulate you because you are only perpetuating the situation and continuing the cycle of being manipulated. Yes! I know! it is hard to stand your ground and say no when you are being manipulated especially when that manipulator is telling you that your NOT A NICE PERSON in so many words....do not be guilted for choosing LOVE!!

If JOY is being nice ....then SMILE and don’t feel weird and odd when you walk around smiling and no one else does. Have you seen people!!! NO ONE LIKES TO SMILE and SAY HI to a stranger. BE STRANGE and SMILE!!

If PEACE is being nice....RELAX and REST.......stop pushing yourself to the point of RAGGEDNESS. When you feel the need to rest --TAKE IT instead of listening to that voice in your head that says you cant because "whatever" needs to be done.

If PATIENCE is being nice then stop freaking out when the light is red, stop getting so upset when people don’t change overnight....it took them a long time to get where they are, stop getting so upset when you don’t change overnight for the same reason!!

If KINDNESS is being nice then go be KIND!! Stop growling at people. ~that's just for me!! :0)

If GOODNESS is being nice then be good. You know what to do that is good and not evil ...just do it!

If FAITHFULNESS is being nice .........Have Faith in God to use all things for your good....Stick it out even when its rough. It will be ok!

If GENTLENESS is being nice .......Speak the TRUTH in LOVE.....say it in gentleness not harshness but whatever you do DON’T STUFF IT!!

If SELF- CONTROL is being nice.....THEN GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF!!!

F and L'er
Starla

Watch Your Words: They Create Your Life

I am so touched by this. I had to share.  The power of words does not cease to amaze me...whether it be good or bad it can make a huge difference!  Bless someone today with something good to say = )  God Bless!

#966   Watch Your Words: They Create Your Life

The words you speak program and condition your mind. When you speak words of gratitude, you are programming and conditioning your brain and mind to experience more and more gratitude.

Speaking words of negativity and ingratitude program and condition your brain and mind to experience less and less gratitude and more and more misery.

You create your habits and your habits create you. By speaking words of gratitude regularly, you are developing the habit of speaking words of gratitude. The more you keep up this habit, the easier it becomes to say even more words of gratitude. As you continue to speak words of gratitude, thoughts of gratitude are integrated into your mind and you will spontaneously think and speak this way.

Catch yourself whenever what you say is an expression of a lack of gratitude. Instead of being upset with yourself for still lacking as much gratitude as you would wish, be grateful that you are becoming more aware of your lapses. This awareness will enable you to be more careful from now on.

It would be a good idea, to resolve that whenever you hear yourself saying something that is ungrateful, you immediately make five statements of gratitude.
(From Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: THANK YOU! Gratitude: Formulas, Stories, and Insights: Artscroll Publishers)

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#967   A New Level Of Courage

There will be instances when you do something exceptionally courageous. Don't think, "I had courage here, but this really wasn't me. Normally I can't do these type of things."

It is much wiser to think, "This has upgraded the courage level of my brain." You are no longer on the previous level of courage, but on the present level. This is your actual reality.
(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Courage")

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Life Is Now"

Friendships grow in truth and vulnerability

Been noticing as I am surfing the blog world that many people are searching for meaningful friendships. People, women, even pastors wives struggling to just have a friend to talk to ??? That should not be so!! But it is...

I was reading the comments over at Striving for 31 . The post is a question asked by the author for another person which happens to be a pastors wife.

Excerpt: What I am struggling with right now is a lack of close friendships.......I have "friends" in our church, but you and I both know that can be tricky water to navigate. I am part of a home school group here, so I do have that outlet, but as far as a deep, close friendship with another woman here, I just don't have it..... as a ministry family, you are sorta in no man's land.....Anyway, the basic question is how as a ministry wife do you find your "place?" How do you forge those close friendships outside of your church without missing potential close friendships inside the church. Are close friendships in the church even a good idea?


Just reading this breaks my heart.

 I have Felt that way...that I didn't have a Real Friend that I couldn't Be Who I Was...

When I look at this situation I cant help but think PEOPLE have toooooooooooooooo HIGH expectations on their Pastor and his Wife if they feel like they can't be CLOSE FRIENDS with the people in their congregations. ISN'T that the point!!?? To know and be known by each other...to love one another.... Help and Grow and Learn from one another. Do we put them UP UP UP on a pedestal soooooo HIGH that we don't allow them to be who they are. Weaknesses and All.....Warts and ALL....They are Christ's too. Reaching toward the Goal like the rest of us.

I call to us all............BE REAL no matter where you are!! No matter who you are talking too!!! Just be real. Yes, it is scary...BUT SO IS LIVING A LIE!!

Real Friendship are grown in TRUTH and VULNERABILITY!!

F and L'er
Starla

The Truth IS Simple

Philippians 1:21
To me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.
Thoughts on today's verse

The truth is often as simple as it is sweet -- if Jesus is our life, then our life has no end.

Have a great day!

Tina Smith

Motto Monday: "Whatever You Give To Life, Life Will Give Back To You"

* If you plant honesty, you will reap trust
* If you plant goodness, you will reap friends
* If you plant humility, you will reap greatness
* If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment
* If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective
* If you plant hard work, you will reap success
* If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation
* If you plant faith in God, you will reap a harvest
　
So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap later..

Have a great day! = )

Tina Smith

Quote

"Friendship consists of a willing ear, an understanding heart and a helping hand."

Frank Tyger

Have a great day!

Tina Smith

Monday Motto - Be of One Mind

Mark 10:8 - and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.


Monday Motto: Be of ONE MIND
My Pastor had asked us to take a spiritual gifts test that he provided for us. Over the past few weeks at my house I have been gathering information about the different types of gifts. My daughter (who is almost 12) saw the word celibacy on the spiritual gifts paper that she was taking and asked " What does the word celibacy mean?"

At first I said ...It means to not have sexual relations...and of course being almost 12 she looked at me like YUCK, MOM!!! After a few more minutes I said -  "It doesn’t just mean that, It also means to be separated unto God." (do we use the word unto anymore...lol) She liked that definition better of course. :0)

Well  lets look at this -separated unto God - thing more..

It says in 1 Cor 7: 32-34 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.

It says if you are married - YOUR INTERESTS ARE DIVIDED!! ...because you will be concerned about things surrounding your husband/wife. When I thought about this I was immediately swept up into my imagination and seeing how when you are JUST you and your following after the Lord things are pretty simple. BUT when you are married --  you are no longer two but one -- sounds like two minds in one body to me.. Basically if you and your husband are not on " the same page" so to speak then you are double minded couple.

Be of ONE mind the Lord says....2 Cor 13:11 be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.

Being of one mind creates an atmosphere of living in peace. Friendship with your spouse is important ...



Do you live in peace in your home with your spouse??? Is your spouse your FRIEND!

I don’t always live in peace with mine ...not like we would if we were of ONE MIND. We have different likes and dislikes, ideas, opinions about how to do things, and personalities. Sometimes being on the same page seems near to impossible. The foundation is Christ. God made us with all these differences knowing He would ask us to dwell together in peace and be of one mind. He sent Christ to bridge the gap.

If each of us focuses on Christ and what He has asked of us ..we will walk in love with each other..and not live selfishly expecting others to do all things our way.

F & L'er
Starla

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. What does it mean to you?

R.E.S.P.E.C.T… What does it mean to you?

John Maxwell

August 9th, 2010 · 43 Comments

A few years ago, I read an article about a young man who, at age 23, went to work as the senior pastor of his first church. He found the experience very intimidating because he was to be the spiritual leader of people who had children and grandchildren older than he was.
How did he handle it? By showing his people respect and asking them to treat them in kind. To make his standard clear to everyone, he shared ten rules for respect that he promised to live by, and he asked his people to do the same.
Here are his rules:

1. If you have a problem with me, come to me (privately).
2. If I have a problem with you, I’ll come to you (privately).
3. If someone has a problem with me and comes to you, send them to me. (I’ll do the same for you.)
4. If someone consistently will not come to me, say, “Let’s go see him together.” (I’ll do the same for you.)
5. Be careful how you interpret me. On matters that are unclear, do not feel pressured to interpret my feelings or thoughts. It is easy to misinterpret intentions.
6. I will be careful how I interpret you.
7. If it’s confidential, don’t tell. If anyone comes to me in confidence, I won’t tell unless (a) the person is going to harm him/herself; (b) the person is going to physically harm someone else; (c) a child has been physically or sexually abused. I expect the same from you.
8. I do not read unsigned letters or notes.
9. I do not manipulate; I will not be manipulated. Do not let others manipulate you; do not let others try to manipulate me through you.
10. When in doubt, just say it. If I can answer without misrepresenting something or breaking a confidence, I will.

His story intrigued me because I had faced a similar situation early in my career. The young pastor’s list reflected what I’d learned in my own experience.
Most people greatly desire the respect of their leaders. And when leaders give it freely, I believe it creates a very positive relational environment. As author Alfred Glasow said, “The respect of those you respect is worth more than the applause of the multitude.”

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Tags: Communication · Ethics 101 · Respect · conflict · leadership · teamwork

This is so good!  I had to share it!  = )  Have a great weekend!

LiFtInG

"There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and
lifting people up."

Have a great day!

Tina Smith

Someone once said, "Success is when those who know you the best are those who love you the most."

Ten ways to guarantee failure

http://pastorrobb.wordpress.com/2010/08/11/10-ways-to-guarantee-failure/

1. Don’t take any risks.
2. Give up when life gets too tough.
3. Blame others and your past.
4. Overlook details.
5. Neglect the study of money management.
6. Waste time frequently.
7. Don’t set any specific challenging goals.
8. Start many projects but finish none.
9. Enjoy immediate gratification.
10. Refuse to study those who have succeeded in life.

This was too good not to share = )  Helped me see where I am falling short.

Have a great day!

Tina Smith

Someone once said, "Success is when those who know you the best are those who love you the most."

Daily Lift

#957   Choose A Wise Self-Image

Self-image is how you view yourself. In reality it is easy to view yourself the way others view you. But ultimately it is you who selects which view you will accept. Some people access the view of negative individuals and make it their own. This is not a wise choice. Select the views of those who realize you are created in the Almighty's image, you are a child of the Creator, and the world was created for you. Why settle for anything less? And make certain that the one individual whose opinion makes the most difference in your life views you in this way. That person is you.
(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, Serenity, p.58)

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Life Is Now"

Have a great day!

Tina Smith

Someone once said, "Success is when those who know you the best are those who love you the most."

Emotions are like a riddle

What is a riddle? It is something that is puzzling or confusing. Do your emotions ever do that to you? They do me at times. I know and love this one friend of mine so much. I had, had a time with my oldest child and my thoughts were tampered with by my effected emotions that spilled over onto her momentarily and unintentionally even. I know it almost sounds like it is contradicting even though it is not. Amazing how something negative can happen and contaminate other interactions and relationships we have. Does that mean that it was not necessarily dealt with? I do not think so. I believe we can deal with life as it happens and it takes time and God to help fade the hurt inside. That letting go and letting God thing that you seem to hear when you mention you are having a problem with something in your life. Sometimes that is more irritating than the problem I am having is. Oh give it to the Lord. That is the best thing to do but do you ever want someone to really help you and not just give you lip service. I sure do. Sorry if this sound to rough but honestly I think the more real people are the more people can really connect. Very difficult to connect to something you have no connection with. I wonder if that is part of the problem with people giving in or up…?
If we give power to the small things, then we are ignoring the big things. I think they all matter. Big or small. Every word spoken or not spoken matters. Whether we are bold, shy, bright or dark it is a mood. Mood matters. Moods come from the small things in life that add up or do not add up… Moods are like putting on colored glasses, it is the way we see our world. Bright and beautiful or gloomy and dark. Through these tinted spectacles we see are selves.
We have to prepare ourselves to deal with ourselves and others. Praying it through and finding that trusted someone that knows more than you, someone you look up to. It is easy just to talk to anyone who will listen. But the best thing to do is go to someone who is willing to hear you and teach you. Lift you up and help you move forward. If we go to someone like us or knows less than us what does that help? We vent, they vent and then what? Wring out all that emotion and if not dealt with we end up filling up with it again and then it spills out into our lives and all those who come in contact with us.
We can comfort the truth all we want with those things that make us feel better and what good does that do? If we do not change then nothing will change. We have to take the steps needed to get to the truth and deal with what we do have control over. We can control ourselves and others have to do that for themselves. So hard to see people struggle and want to help them and can not. We have to manage our moods, choose to live in God’s Wisdom and submit to the truth. We will get what we seek out to find. This may seem silly but truth is a lot like hide and seek. You have to be quiet, listen, pay attention to what is around you, move slowly and find what you are searching for.

Have a great day!

Tina Smith

Someone once said, "Success is when those who know you the best are those who love you the most."

Monday Motto - Please God

1 Cor 4:12-13 We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; when we are slandered, we answer kindly.

Monday Motto: Please God

In this passage of scripture Paul gives tells us what he and the apostles do when bad things happen:

--they get to work
--they bless
--they endure
--they answer kindly

The more common way would look more like this:

 SIT DOWN, HAVE A FEW CHOICE WORDS TO SAY, COMPLAIN, AND SNAP BACK for the injustice of it all.

Working with your hands requires you to GET UP and DO SOMETHING  -- Put your energy into positive things. To bless means that you have to let alot just ROLL OFF like the water on a ducks back and FORGIVE. To endure you must be GROUNDED in the WORD and have that SHEILD of FAITH to quench all those firey darts of the enemy when you are persecuted. To answer kindly requires that you know that WHAT COMES OUT OF YOU WILL DEFILE YOU not what another says and so you reply with kindness...you do unto others as you have them do to you.

These things are hard to do especially when you get down to that last one when we want to REACT to what people around us are saying about us...BUT WITH GOD all things are possible.

Most of them boil down to : Will you please God or Man???

Father help us to please you at all times...help us when we are weak to speak kindly. Give us a heart transplant and hook us up to the true source of Christ within. Help us to know that when we see the impossible and we begin to feel like weak and lowly no good creatures because we have behaved un-Christlike that YOU ARE RIGHT THERE to help us. Let us ask for forgiveness quickly and forgive ourselves and start walking in CHRIST right where we are.

F & L'er
Starla

sMiLe & eNjOy ThE jOuRnEy = )

Children laughing.

Uncomfortable shoes.

Freshly cut grass.

Missing car keys.

Chocolate chip cookies,

warm from the oven.

Life is full of ups, downs, and changes...

The more love you give the more you will find.

Have a great weekend!

Motto for a Positive Outlook

Refuse to be unhappy;

be cheerful instead.

Refuse to let your troubles multiply;

just take them one by one.

Organize your time; keep your life simple

and exactly the way you want it.

Refuse to complain about things;

learn to improve your surroundings

and create your world

the way you believe it should be.

Refuse to dwell on the mistakes

or disappointments

that are sometimes a part of life;

instead learn how you can

make things better.

Be optimistic.

Be energetic and positive

about the things you do,

and always hope for the best.

Believe in yourself at all times

and in all aspects of your life.

Before you know it,

those wonderful dreams

you have believed in all your life

will come true,

and your life will be

the happy and successful life

that it was meant to be.

Ben Daniels

Have a great day!

Tina Smith

Someone once said, "Success is when those who know you the best are those who love you the most."

Carry with You These Gifts of the Heart...

Trust... that whatever happens,

there is someone who will understand.

Honesty... the feeling that you

never need to hold back.

Peace... in being accepted for

who you really are.

Beauty... in outlook

more than appearance.

Freedom... to be yourself,

to change, and to grow.

Joy... in every day, in every memory,

and in your hopes for the future.

Love... to last a lifetime,

and perhaps beyond.

D. L. Riepl

What a thought for me today...  These 7 things are gifts.   Very simple and what a blessing to have in life.  Take time to think today about these gifts and share them with the world.   = )

Tina Smith

Monday Motto - Have Faith

Monday Motto: Have Faith


But whenever you set out to do something extraordinary, there comes a point where, you have to choose between trying to control everything – or letting go and getting carried away by something bigger and more powerful than yourself. - Mark McGuinness

Do you need to have it all figured out?

Do you need to know what to say to speak?

Do you need to know what the outcome will be before you move?

What if we just JUMPED........??

What if we just understood that it is par for the course to trip once in awhile? and Ran anyway...??

Can you be willing to make a mistake?

God is not in the business of LETTING US DO IT OUR WAY........

He is however in the business of us DOING IT.......when HE says to.....whether we understand it or not.........even if we fall flat on our face.........did we listen???

It is not easy for us to let go of our need for controls, to know, to have it all figured out, and yet God knows that to listen to Him will bring us many things...maybe joy ....maybe persecution......maybe ridicule.......maybe success ...maybe...maybe...maybe.....

We are not guaranteed that what we think is a "good outcome" will happen.We are however promised this......we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.-Rom 8:28

Are we listening?? Are we Moving...working....acting...trying....doing....GOING FOR IT....

To do anything....taking the risk means it could take us through things that we may not like, want to deal with, or care to feel...(or we may have a factor of FEAR holding us back)....and to do them requires us to have FAITH.

Faith is not Belief. Belief is passive. Faith is active.
- Edith Hamilton

Now go JUMP !!

Have a great Monday!
F & L'er
Starla Smith