You and Your Spouse are Unique

#1089   You and Your Spouse are Unique

Torah principles give us the wisdom and concepts that are needed for a harmonious marriage. But just knowing these ideas will not automatically guarantee a happy marriage. Torah ideas need to be internalized and practiced.

You have strengths and weaknesses, positive qualities and faults - and so does the person you marry. You have a unique life history; you came from a specific family - and so did your spouse. You have a unique genetic makeup, with a unique combination of intellect and emotions - and so does every other human being on our planet.

Your temperament, personality, communication style, and myriad other factors need to interact with the temperament, personality, and communication style of your spouse. This will inevitably create many challenges. Your response to these challenges will either create problems, pain, and quarrels... or will be the source of great spiritual and emotional elevation.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book "Marriage" - Introduction, p.13)

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Life Is Now"

 

Trial run

A trial run...

 

You never know till you try!!

 

F & L'er

Starla

My Prayer

 

 

I asked for Strength and God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom and God gave me Problems to solve.

I asked for Prosperity and God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.

I asked for Courage and God gave me Danger to overcome.

I asked for Love and God gave me Troubled People to help.

I asked for Favor and God gave me Opportunities.

I got nothing I wanted, but I received everything I needed.

-- Author Unknown

Another way to look at challenges...had to share!

God Bless!  = )

It is NOT about being RIGHT its about being REAL...

This is what you do – not so much to ‘get it right’ but instead to ‘keep it real’.


When it comes to my life, I seldom think about getting it right. I’m much more concerned with getting it REAL. That may sound like a meaningless distinction, but I assure you, it’s not.



If I’m worried about being ‘right’ – that usually means there’s a little shame somewhere in the mix. The desire to get it right implies there’s currently something wrong. Usually, it’s something wrong with me. And when I think there’s something wrong with me, that’s shame.



I used to always worry about doing the right thing – now I focus on doing the real thing. If I concern myself with realness, then the rightness usually follows. (So true that is!)



So what does that mean and how do I do it?



Being real means being as honest with yourself as possible. It means thinking your own true thoughts and feeling your own true feelings. It means functioning as an adult, and not coming from a place of ego or child or martyr or victim or any other of those ‘lesser’ parts of you. It means questioning yourself on a regular basis.



Being real starts with processing. It may mean writing out your thoughts and feelings on paper. Or, it could be done internally. For me, it just depends on how much ‘stuff’ I have to work out at the time. If there’s a lot of unresolved thoughts and feelings, then I’ll write it out. Otherwise, I just go through the thoughts and feelings inside myself – in my heart and mind.



And for me, processing is a never-ending activity. It’s not like I’ve outgrown it. I still do it. Whenever I get confused, or I have a tough decision to make, or I’m not sure how to proceed, or even when I just want to know myself better, I turn to processing. Sometimes I get out paper and pen, other times I work with it inside without writing anything down. It just depends.



So if you want to ‘get it right’ (meaning, ‘feel better’ or ‘get real’) then start by processing.



I read this article this morning and thought WOW there are some really good points here that were light bulb moments for me. I just had to share! = )



Happy Tuesday!
Tina

The Serenity Prayer

The Serenity Prayer
	God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen. --Reinhold Niebuhr In loving memory of Fr Bertram Griffin -- 1932-2000 Requiescat in Pace
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths. Proverbs 3, 5-6

Unadulterated Living

ADULTERY ...

 

The word holds a terrible feeling and thoughts filled with guilt and shame and the act of cheating on your spouse. Cheating on one in whom you are suppose to love.

 

I have been reading in Proverbs 5 - the title of this section of reading in my bible is The Peril of Adultery.

 

Most the time I speed right through this section of reading....but this time it caught my eye.

 

Recently while reading I came across a line of thought that connected this passage in the bible for me more deeply.

 

It brought this passage to a different level  -- Adultery as it can be applied to the connection and communication of the soul and spirit within (this is the Truth in the spirit we have been given and the ability of the soul to thwart that) and how it affects the heart and mind within a person and its expression within and without. Do we cheat on ourselves???

 

QUOTE:

Every human being struggles with the power of truth, whether it is speaking the truth, honoring the truth, facing the truth, hearing the truth, or bearing witness to the truth. Truth is a deal-breaker and a game-changer in every aspect of life, but most certainly when it comes to relationships with others and even with how you talk to yourself. The truth is, the relationship you have with yourself is your "core" relationship from which all other relationships derive their position of health. If you are not honest with yourself, for example, you cannot be honest with another person. It is simply not possible. If you lie to yourself about anything, you can only lie to others. The lies you tell yourself are the lies you tell others. Someone who speaks the truth to him or herself will speak the truth to others.  - Myss

 

ok so....

 

 ^{Proverbs 5: 1} My son, pay attention to my wisdom;
      Lend your ear to my understanding,
       ² That you may preserve discretion,
      And your lips may keep knowledge.

 

Pay attention to my wisdom --I see wisdom as God's Word. We are to concentrate and consider what it is we are reading. This applied to the soul and spirit is knowing what your knower knows. Considering who you are, what you are about. What do you know about yourself. What you like and don't like. What causes you joy and pain. Knowing your TRUTH.

 

Lend you ear to my understanding --this is about listening and doing what He tells you within. This applied to soul and spirit is listening to what you know. Not silencing your inner voice and to be who you are without fear.

 

THEN IT SAYS : That you may (do those things above --so that you can ) preserve discretion!!

 

Preserve -- is to keep something alive or safe. It is to maintain it.

Discretion -- is the freedom to decide, to choose and make a judgment but it is also being careful about what you say and do.

 

 This is considering WHAT YOU KNOW about who and what you are and LISTENING instead of silencing that truth. This enables you to maintain the ability to make choices by being careful not to go against your truth.

 

And your lips may keep knowledge.

 

Keep Knowledge -- to obey, retain and take care of all that is known

 

This is to live life without selling yourself out (doing the opposite of who you are by people pleasing or attention seeking - sabotaging yourself) and becoming the ADULTERER to your own spirit by allowing your soul (the fickle feeler and worrier within) to silence your truth with reasons and excuses.

 

The next section of verses tells us about what this ADULTERER looks like and is.

 

Proverbs 5:³ For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey,
      And her mouth is smoother than oil;
       ⁴ But in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
      Sharp as a two-edged sword.
       ⁵ Her feet go down to death,
      Her steps lay hold of hell.^[a]
        

Lips are IMMORAL ....not concerned with what is right ( what is true ) and is not Virtuous. This person sells themselves out and short. This is speaking against the truth you know for recognition, attention, or to be liked by others, feel secure, loved, needed...or whatever it is your soul thinks you need.

 

and notice these lips DRIP HONEY...sweet to the taste...reasoning that sounds good. Excuses that seem logical and right.

 

this mouth is SMOOTHER than OIL ...really slick. .... lying to ourselves with clever little deceptions. Telling ourselves things to make our faults look good in our own eyes. Fudge the truth to " look ' good to others.

 

When we do this it says THE END IS BITTER AS WORMWOOD. We are unsatisfied with where we are and what we are doing. We live an unpleasant inner world and we are walking out life in humiliations and painful experiences. Essentially we begin to become ashamed of ourselves for living the opposite of what we know.

 

and this end is also A TWO EDGE SWORD -- On one side we want people to like us and so we create this ME we think they will like. On the other side WE KNOW WHO WE ARE and WERE HIDING.

We are unstable and unhappy.  

 

Then it says your FEET (the way you are walking, living) is leading you to DEATH -- the spiritual side of you is WITHERING AWAY!!! and your steps LAY HOLD of HELL. You are grabbing onto HELL. ( misery and destruction)

 

BUT THANKFULLY we are also given the SOLUTION to this!!!

 

In the next set of verses it says not to depart from the words of HIS mouth (the knower who knows, the truth you have been given ..yet also are ever learning (don't want to get all legalistic here) and to remove yourself from her way ( don't entertain the souls anxieties and fears resulting in you being fake in word or deed ) and do not go near her door ( any opportunity to entertain this way of being...don't let it be an option) .....BECAUSE you will give your HONOR away to others.

 

HONOR is your ability to be honest in your beliefs and actions ....remember that saying : "My word is my Honor!" This reminds me of when we could say what we really think but out of fear or whatever reason we say what we think sounds good to someone else and we say that instead.... 

That is GIVING your HONOR away!

 

I think women are BAD at this and this is why we wake up one day wondering who we are, where we have been ....saying to ourselves "I feel LOST like I don't know who I am anymore!"

 

Going down some verses we come to DRINK FROM YOUR OWN CISTERN. ( Listen and Develop the knowing of your knower - spirit within. Get to know yourself. Find out who you are. Ask God to help you see who He created you to be. Learn where you stand. Develop what you think. How you feel about things. Read the WORD. Teach yourself and Listen to the Spirit of God within you. Become a self-explorer -- not so you can become selfish saying "well that is just how I am" The truth of Gods word, his ways and right way of living trump your "just how I am"...but the point is to learn to become true to God's expression of Himself through you. Study your true reflection of Christ. We are GOD water tank -the cistern of GOD. He created us to be the thing that allows springs of living water to flow through it.)

 

There is so much more from this chapter I could add ...but I think I will stop here

 

 LIVE UNADULTERATED !!!  ...you wont be sorry ...you may trip, mess up, forget who you are, become selfish time to time but if you listen for the voice of the Spirit of God to lead you...you will be pressing on toward the mark of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus - Christ's reflection in the world.

 

F & L'er

Starla

 

Equipped for the Workplace

 

Equipped for the Workplace
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1 by Os Hillman
Tuesday, December 07 2010

May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. Hebrews 13:20 - Proverbs 13:12

Over 70 percent of our time is spent in a working environment, yet our training and teaching focuses on areas where we spend much less time. The workplace is the greatest mission field of our day, yet we do not train workplace believers how to effectively integrate their faith into their jobs. The wall between Sunday and Monday still exists. Most believers do not understand that all of life is spiritual, not just life on Sunday.

A recent study found that 50 percent of Christians have never heard a sermon on work; 70 percent have never been taught a theology of work; and 70 percent have never heard a sermon on vocation. Why do we focus on the fringes rather than the center where most people spend most of their time - the workplace?

God is removing the wall of separation by speaking to pastors and workplace believers all over the world. A pastor recently shared how his church ordains their workplace believers for their calling to the workplace. Another pastor described their church's commitment to integrating training for their workplace believers on the theology of work. Another told how they began a workplace ministry within their church for their workplace believers, and even integrated Sunday school programs specifically geared to help workplace believers understand their calling in the workplace.

We are entering a new era in the Church when workplace believers are seen as a remnant of the Body of Christ who need to be mobilized and trained for the work of the ministry to their own mission field-the workplace. Are you one of the men and women God is raising up for this task? Pray that God will help pastors understand and affirm this calling, and that they will respond by training the people of their churches for their own ministry to the workplace. When we reclaim the 70 percent, the remainder will be reclaimed automatically.




Repost today's TGIF:

 

Obstacles Are good for you...?

• DAILY LIFT
• TODAY IN JEWISH HISTORY
• GROWING EACH DAY

#1075   Obstacles Add to Your Pleasure

Pleasure comes from filling a need. A person is in a state of deficiency most of his life and focuses on obtaining that which he is lacking. At times, great obstacles prevent a person from meeting those needs. The more obstacles that arise, the more a person feels the void of what he is missing.

Eventually, when that need is met, the pleasure of obtaining is in proportion to the difficulty he previously experienced. When you obtain what you want without running up against obstacles, your pleasure is limited.

(see Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler - Michtav MaiEliyahu, vol.3, pp.180-2; Rabbi Pliskin's "Consulting the Wise")

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Life Is Now"

 

A Christian Woman and Jewish Woman Appointed to Bahrain Parliament

 

 

A Christian Woman and Jewish Woman Appointed to Bahrain Parliament

Teresa Neumann (December 7, 2010)

"There are approximately 1,000 Christians in Bahrain."

(Bahrain)—Israel National News reports that the King of Bahrain, Hamad ibn Isa Al Khalifa, has appointed a Jewish woman and a Christian woman to the nation's 40-member lower chamber of parliament. (Photo: King Hamad/Arutz Sheva)

The report notes that the new Jewish member of the house, Nancy Khadhori, will replace a prior Jewish member, Huda Nono, who left to become Bahrain's first female Jewish Ambassador to the United States.

"I am very happy to receive the royal trust," Khadori said in a statement to the media. "I hope I will be up to the responsibility."

According to the report, Hala Qarrisah, the new Christian female member, took the place of fellow Christian Alice Samaan, who had served as deputy head of the Council.

Source: Chana Ya'ar - Israel National News

Consider Humility

I love these daily lifts!  They get me thinking & searching within...so helpful it is for improving self  = () P  I know I need it.  Self improvement is contagious!  Make what you got to give worth catching & God Bless!

#1074   Consider Humility

Arrogance can be the source of two opposite ways of behaving. Some people have such a high opinion of themselves that want nothing else to do with other people. Alternatively, there are those whose arrogance leads them to want power and control over others.

The opposite of arrogance is humility. Humility is the awareness that everything we have is a gift, and that other people are equally important.

Today, contemplate humility for at least five minutes. In what ways would your life be enhanced if you had more humility?

(see Vilna Gaon - Proverbs 8:13; Rabbi Pliskin - "Consulting the Wise")

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Life Is Now"

AFTER A WHILE

I found a wonderful poem that I want to share ...

 

After a While

After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child
And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers

And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn.

Veronica A. Shoffstall

 

Be Strong On The Inside !!

 

F & L'er

Starla

I found a funny & wanted to share it = )

MountainWings A MountainWings Moment

#10335 Wings Over The Mountains of Life

-------------------------------------------------

10 Reasons why God created Eve

===============================

10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden because he wouldn't ask for directions.

9. God knew that someday Adam would need someone to hand him the TV remote.

(Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don't want to see what's ON TV; they want to see WHAT ELSE is on.)

8. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment.

7. God knew that when Adam's fig leaf wore out, he would never buy a new one for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage.

5. God wanted man to be fruitful and multiply, but he knew Adam would never be able to handle labor pains and childbirth.

4. As "keeper of the garden," Adam would need help in finding his tools.

3. Adam needed someone to blame for the Apple Incident and for anything else that was really his fault.

2. As the Bible says: "It is not good for man to be alone."

1. And the No. 1 reason of all

[Tada, drum roll, fanfare, etc.]

God stepped back, looked at Adam and declared:

"I can do better than that."

MountainWings Note: I don't know who wrote this, but I don't think this joke was written by a man.

Happy Wednesday to YOU! = )

 

 

Emotional Blackmail

 

 This is a very good and informative read.  I see blackmail in a whole new way now... I encourage you to read it & maybe even get the book.  I did.    There is an art to this terrible habit & relationship destroyer.  What we learn we can teach others and create healthy relationships one by one! 

God Bless & have a great week! = )

 

EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL

Emotional Blackmailers:

Threaten to make things difficult if you don't do what they want.

Constantly threaten to end the relationship if you don't give in.

Regularly ignore or discount your feelings and wants.

Tell you or imply that they will neglect, hurt themselves, or become depressed if you don't do what they want.

Shower you with approval when you give into them and take it away when you don't.

Use money as a weapon to get their own way.

---

Emotional blackmail is a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten (either directly or indirectly) to punish us if we don't do what they want. At the heart of any kind of blackmail is one basic threat, which can be expressed in many different ways: If you don't behave the way I want you to, you will suffer. A criminal blackmailer might threaten to use knowledge about a person's past to ruin her reputation, or ask to be paid off in cash to hide a secret. Emotional blackmail hits closer to home. Emotional blackmailers know how much we value our relationship with them. They know our vulnerabilities. Often they know our deepest secret. And no matter how much they care about us, when they fear they won't go their way, they use this intimate knowledge to shape the threats that give them the payoff they want: our compliance. Knowing that we want love or approval, our blackmailers threaten to withhold it or take it away altogether, or make feel we must earn it. For example, if you pride yourself being generous and caring, the blackmailer might label you selfish or inconsiderate if you don't accede to his wishes. If you value money and security, the blackmailer might attach conditions to providing them or threaten to take them away. And if you believe the blackmailer, you could fall into a pattern of letting him control your decisions and behavior. We get locked into a dance with blackmail, a dance with myriad steps, shapes and partners.

Emotional blackmailers hate to lose. They take the old adage "It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's how you play the game", and turn it on its head to read "It doesn't matter how you play the game as long as you do not lose." To an emotional blackmailer, keeping your trust doesn't count, respecting your feelings doesn't count, being fair doesn't count. The ground rules that allow for healthy give-and-take go out the window. In the midst of what we thought was a solid relationship it's as though someone yelled "Everyone for himself!" and the other person lumped to take advantage of us while our guard was down. Why is winning so important to blackmailers, we ask ourselves. Why are they doing this to us? Why do they need to get their way so badly that they'll punish us if they don't?

Below are some specific ways to answer the most common types of responses. It can't emphasize too strongly how important it is to practice saying these statements until they feel natural to you. How to respond to the other person's catastrophic predictions and threats. Punishers and self-punishers may try pressuring you to change your decision by bombarding you with visions of the extreme negative consequences of doing what you've decided to do. It's never easy to resist the fear that their bleak vision will come to pass, especially when the theme they're pounding home is "Bad things will happen - and it'll be your fault." But hold your ground.

When they say:	Then you say:
If you don't take care of me, I'll wind up in the hospital/on the street/unable to work. * You'll never see your kids again. * You'll destroy this family. * You're not my child anymore. * I'm cutting you out of my will. * I'll get sick. * I can't make it without you. * I'll make you suffer. * You'll be sorry.	* That's your choice. * I hope you won't do that, but I've made my decision. * I know you're very angry right now. When you've had a chance to think about this, maybe you'll change your mind. * Why don't we talk about this again when you're less upset. * Threats/suffering/tears aren't going to work anymore. * I'm sorry you're upset.

;
;

When they say:

Then you say:

* I can't believe you're being so selfish. This isn't like you. You're only thinking of yourself. You never think about my feelings. * I really thought you were different from the other women/men I've been with. I guess I was wrong. * That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. * Everyone knows that children are supposed to respect their parents * flow can you be so disloyal? * You're just being an idiot.

* You're entitled to your opinion. * I'm sure that's how it looks to you. * That could be. * You may be right. * I need to think about this more. * We'll never get anywhere if you keep insulting me. * I'm sorry you're upset.

* How could you do this to me (after all I've done for you)? * Why are you ruining my life? * Why are you being so stubborn/obstinate/selfish? * What's come over you? * Why are you acting like this? * Why do you want to hurt me? * Why are you making such a big deal out of this?

* I knew you wouldn't be happy about this, but that's the way it has to be. * I here are no villains here. We just want different things. * I'm not willing to take more than 50 percent of the responsibility. * I know how upset/angry/disappointed you are, but it's not negotiable. * We see things differently. * I'm sure you see it that way. * I'm sorry you're upset.

Handling Silence

But what about the person who blackmails through anger that is expressed covertly through sulks and suffering? When they say nothing, what can you say or do? For many targets, this silent anger is far more maddening and crazy than an overt attack. Sometimes it seems as if nothing works with this kind of blackmailer, and sometimes nothing does. But you'll have the most success if you stick to the principles of non defensive communication and stay conscious of the following do's and don'ts.

In dealing with silent blackmailers, DON'T: Expect them to rake the first step toward resolving the conflict. Plead with them to tell you what's wrong. Keep after them for a response (which will only make them withdraw more). Criticize, analyze or interpret their motives, character or inability to be direct. Willingly accept blame for whatever they're upset about to get them into a better mood. Allow them to change the Subject. Get intimidated by the tension and anger in the air. Let your frustration cause you to make threats you really don't mean (e.g., "If you don't tell me what's wrong, I'll never speak to you again"). Assume that if they ultimately apologize, it will be followed by any significant change in their behavior. Expect major personality changes, even if they recognize what they're doing and are willing to work on it. Remember: Behavior can change. Personality styles usually don't.

DO use the following techniques: Remember that you are dealing with people who feel inadequate and powerless and who are afraid of your ability to hurt or abandon them. Confront them when they're more able to hear what you have to say. Consider writing a letter. It may feel less threatening to them. Reassure them that they can tell you what they're angry about and you will hear them out without retaliating. Use tact and diplomacy. This will reassure them that you won't exploit their vulnerabilities and bludgeon them with recriminations. Say reassuring things like "I know you're angry right now, and I'll be willing to discuss this with you as soon as you're ready to talk about it," Then leave them alone. You'll only make them withdraw more if you don't. Don't be afraid to tell them that their behavior is upsetting to you, but begin by expressing appreciation. For example: "Dad, I really care about you, and I think you're one of the smartest people I know, but it really bothers me when you clam up every time we disagree about something and just walk away is hurting our relationship, and I wonder if you would talk to me about that." Stay focused on the issue you're upset about. Expect to be attacked when you express a grievance, because they experience your assertion as an attack on them as an attack on them. Let them know that you know they're angry and what you're willing to do about it. For example: "I'm sorry you 're upset because I don't want your folks to stay with us when they're in town, but I'm certainly willing to take the time to find a nice hotel for them and maybe pay for part of their vacation." Accept the fact that you will have to make the first move most, if not all, of the time. Let some things slide

These techniques are the only ones that have a chance to interrupt the pattern that's so typical of a silent, angry blackmailer, the cycle that goes "Look how upset I am, and it's all your fault. Now figure out what you did wrong and how you're going to make it up to me." I know how infuriating it is to have to be the rational one when you feel like strangling the other person, but it's the only way I know to create an atmosphere that will allow change to take place. Your hardest job will he to stay non defensive and to convince the quietly angry person that it's OK for them to be angry when they've spent lifetime believing just the opposite.

Information on this page comes from: Emotional Blackmail : When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward, Susan Forware, Donna Frazier Price: $10.40 Paperback - 272 pages 1 Harper edition (March 1998) paperback) ISBN: 0060928972

To the Site Index

The Right Words

Lord, give me the right words to say

To broken hearts that come my way

To those who have been hurt before

That, I not hurt them any more

To those whose hearts have hardened up

To those who won't hold out their cup

That, Lord, You long to overflow

With love and mercy. Lord, let me know

That I might have the words to say

That I might plant a seed today

That glory would be given to You

Through all I say and all I do

Lord, give me the right words to say

More hearts are breaking every day

They're out there crying in the night

I long to help them see the light

But, fragile are those souls and weak

So this is why Your words I seek

And pray Thee give me words to say

That I, not one soul, turn away.

~by Susan Tier~

God help us to be all You want & need us to be for the sake of Your Name I pray, AMEN!  = )

I love this mans prayer...

Please, Dear God,

Lead me in the way I need to go,

Teach me in the things I need to know,

Help me in the areas where I need to grow, Use me in the way that will glory to your name show.

Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen.

Richard (Dick) Innes

 

If we all thought like this, prayed like this & influenced like this what a wonderful world it could be... = )

God Bless!

Tina

Happy, Blessed, Fun filled, Tummy full, Thanksgiving Day to YOU!

 

Tina Fox-Smith is thankful for the sun shining, the birds singing, my husband, my kids, my animals,my family, my friends... & blessed to be alive! = ) Give out lots of love, hugs & thank all those who make you thankful! I am so looking forward to a turkey stuffed day with all the fixing's!  So thankful I am!  God Bless All of YOU Abundantly this Thanksgiving! <3

Quote:

 

No people on earth have more cause to be thankful than ours, and this is said reverently, in no spirit of boastfulness in our own strength, but with the gratitude to the Giver of good who has blessed us.
-Theodore Roosevelt

Quote:

 

We ought to give thanks for all fortune: if it is "good," because is it good, if "bad" because it works in us patience, humility, and the contempt of this world and the hope of our eternal country.
-C. S. Lewis

Mercy is kindness, love & forgiveness

 

Mercy is kindness, love & forgiveness

Wholeness is expressed in Micah 6:8

Micah 6:8: "What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?"

There is our fine line of decision-making. We are to love & forgive, that is who Jesus is, and we are to represent Him. We have to love the fact that Christ’s love and forgiveness for us on the cross is our motive in our decision-making and we are do justice. What does it mean to do justice, love mercy and walk humbly?

They are both reverent toward God and respectful of others. This means they are willing to listen, are open to criticism and desire more to help people succeed than to punish them when they fail.Do justice to somebody or something… to deal with somebody or something fairly to communicate the true qualities, especially the facts, of somebody or something.

The word love is a two edged sword. There is love, there is tough love, and when a person yields to love either way the result is the same.

We must move from the attitude of "have to" and embrace "want to" if we are going to fulfill change in our lives.

Ignorance is NOT bliss!

What you do not know is robbing your future.

God help us to be all you made us to be in the name of Jesus I pray. Amen!

 

Learning from Pigeons

Thursday, November 18, 2010
 Learning from Pigeons

"Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account."¹

You may have read about an experiment where "pigeons were put in cages with one green and one red button. In one cage, if the birds pecked the green button they got food every time. In the other, the green button yielded food erratically and the pigeons had to persist to get enough food. In both cases, pecking the red button did nothing. Both sets of birds thrived, learning what they had to do to survive and ignoring the red button that yielded no food. But when the birds that were used to getting a reward every time were put in the cage that fed them only occasionally, they failed to adapt; they hit their heads against the cage and pecked wildly at everything in sight."²

Birds and animals can be very smart and quickly learn to pursue activities that produce positive results while avoiding activities that don't. Pity we humans aren't always as smart. Too many of us invest our lives in empty, meaningless or even harmful activities and relationships, and have a way of continually hitting red buttons that always result in getting negative responses.

Others, who, like the pigeons that were used to getting rewarded all the time when put in the cage where they were rewarded only occasionally, couldn't cope, so people who, when growing up, were overprotected, spoiled, or had parents that did far too much for them, have a difficult time adjusting to adult life and accepting personal responsibility. Also as adults, when we, other organizations, and/or the government do for others what they CAN and NEED to do for themselves, we keep them over-dependent and irresponsible.

As adults we need to eliminate (overcome) our own red buttons that trigger our unresolved issues from the past, and not purposely hit others' red buttons that never result in obtaining what we need or want.

Furthermore, we need to learn through experience and hard work to accept personal responsibility for every area of our life. True, we were not responsible for our upbringing and early training, but as adults we are totally responsible for our recovery, our actions, our well-being, for who and what we become, and for every area of our life. To expect otherwise is self-defeating and ultimately self-destructive.

Most important of all is that we need to remind ourselves that we are not only responsible for ourselves and what we do, but we are also responsible before God and one day will be required to give an account of our life to him.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you for the gift of life and for all the blessings you have given so freely to me. Help me to see issues in my life that I need to resolve and overcome, to avoid unnecessarily hitting others' red buttons, and help me to accept personal responsibility for every area of my life so that when I stand before you, I will hear your welcoming words, 'Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your Lord. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name. Amen."

1. Hebrews 4:13 (NIV).
2. Michael Josephson in Character Counts. www.charactercounts.org

 

 

 

Anyway

 

Anyway

=======

People are often unreasonable,

Illogical and self-centered.

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,

People may accuse

You of selfish motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful,

You will win some false friends

And some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,

People may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building,

Someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,

They may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,

People will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,

And it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you have anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,

It is between you and God;

It never was between you and them anyway.

~Keith M. Kent~

Slow Dance

 

Slow Dance

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round, or listened to rain slapping the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight, or gazed at the sun fading into the night?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast, time is short, the music won't last.

Do you run through each day on the fly, when you ask "How are you?" do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed, with the next hundred chores running through your head?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast, time is short, the music won't last.

Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow, and in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch, let a friendship die, 'cause you never had time to call and say hi?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast, time is short, the music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day, it's like an unopened gift thrown away.

Life isn't a race, so take it slower, hear the music before your song is over.

By David L. Weatherford, www.davidlweatherford.com/slowdance.html

The Hard Things - Me and My not so honest TRUTHFULLNESS!! My most vulnerable post yet....

Satan loves to destroy, which involves a re-scrambling of destroy. He attempts to de-story us, to rob us of our story of victory. ~ Mary Demuth


I read this, this morning on Mary Demuth's facebook page. It hit me like a ton of bricks....

I do not want to be one who the enemy de-stories....so I write

The Hard things

Who really wants to say the HARD THINGS?

Have you ever found that it is easy to say the HARD things when you are angry???

Sure...when you are in the midst of the grip of anger, you can say anything....RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRR!

But is it BENEFICIAL being said that way?? Probably not!! Not in HUMAN ANGER anyway.
(maybe if I can do it like Jesus...flip those money changer tables over..huh??)

To say the HARD THINGS when you know its that right thing to do....

To say them when you fear they may not be received well...

NOW that is NOT EASY!!

Sometimes it just seems easier to stuff it....you know?? (*people pleasing)

Act like it really doesn’t bother you....play it off as " yeah whatever!" (*denial)

But the things that really matter to us that we just let slide......just plain HURT! ( and they fester...)

It is one thing to overlook an offense...it is another thing all together to live amongst repeat offenders and there be no repercussions for behavior.

Is it not true that you teach people how to treat you?? also how you treat people will come back to you ..you reap what you sow...slipper slope eh?

Living silently or blindly doesn’t make it easier, it makes it worse over the long run....

All those things that clamor for attention and excuses as to why you shouldn’t say anything...."that's mean"..."its not loving or patient"..."if you are just kind enough, good enough, blah blah blah enough"....

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!!!!!

How about the TRUTH is ENOUGH to bring real change, understanding and revelation!!??

I choose to say the hard things....in love.

Ephesians 4:13-15 till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, BUT, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ—

See God wants us to COME TO UNITY ...and we can not do that without talking straight to each other or to ourselves.

He says we should no longer be children...what do children do when they are confronted...they make excuses...say I don’t know....and sometimes when they are busted they get mad and blame you and/or others.

Sound familiar ..grown ups???

He says don’t be duped by trickery and craftiness.... what is that suppose to mean???

It means don’t fall for the phony baloney that tries to derail truth. Don’t get your brain all wrapped up in the JUNK that your mind (and others) will tell you to keep you from speaking the truth!!!!

This verse says : BUT speaking the truth in love. WHY???

So you can GROW UP. (BUT, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ—)

I am a big advocate for speaking the truth...being real...I post it here...I post it at Stars Rain...I post it on my Facebook page. I even wrote a book about it called The Struggle to be Myself and the reasons why we fear to be who we are. I barely scratched the surface then...

SPEAKING THE TRUTH -- IT IS MY GREATEST STRUGGLE!!!!!

I am the type who tends to not be completely honest because when I become self conscious I get all wrapped up and preoccupied with my own personality making me uneasy and embarrassed to be me. So I create a me that I think others will like but I just come off as artificial and fake....and unhappy.

I work on it every day...sometimes I fail...sometime I succeed.

I want my LORD to be proud of me...

My childhood brought me some hard knocks when it come to being truthful. For my survival I decided as a kid it was easier to be half-truthful. I don’t want to have those tapes playing in my mind anymore. I don’t want to continue listening to the lies of the enemy tell me I am not worth listening to, no one will believe you if you did tell the truth.

So I am 33 .......and I struggle with telling the truth........ in the HARD THINGS.
(Giving a factual account of things is easy....relating that deep and secret place in my heart that cries out for release is another thing.)

When I start to speak the HARD THINGS if I even slightly perceive that someone is not hearing me I get SO MAD! My anger wells up from a deep sense of worthlessness and pain, and the fear that I am not good enough that I have carried and struggled with since I was a kid....and I lash out in anger.
(I well up with tears just thinking of and acknowledging that heartbroken and verbally beaten down child in me)

TODAY I said NO MORE!!!

TODAY I stood up once again like I did as a kid that day I was broken and I spoke the TRUTH without fear...without anger....without being defeated by the enemy....without defensiveness.

And guess what??

I didn’t get all the whooo hooo's and hip hip hoorays...nor did I "feeeeeeeel" like I was completely heard.

BUT I STOOD ON THE TRUTH!!!

I SPOKE UP....

and that my friends is VICTORY in itself!!

1 Corinthians 15:57 But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. ( Jesus is the TRUTH )

Speak truth ...Live truth...Be truth ...AMEN!!

( So do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ~ Isaiah 41: 10)

I received that verse from Rise and Shine Retreat....I welled up with tears when I got it...I didn’t realize then what that was going to mean to me!! Thank you R&S Retreat! I am sure it has much more for me to unearth.

Above in this post I said the words : is it beneficial...the ladies at Rise and Shine Retreat prayed over all of us that were attending a fruit of the spirit and mine was GOODNESS which is Doing what is Beneficial!!

I am finding that no matter how hard it is...how bad I want to hide....how much I want to run...

To speak truth and live truth and be truthful even in the HARD THINGS ....is living GOODNESS!

Pray for me my struggle is not over....I thank you in advance :0)

One more thing...if it were not for God sending me my own personal angel to walk with me...when I had thought I would never make it through these tough mountains...she has been my own personal trainer in TRUTH...Thank you Tina...you are one in a million GIRL!!!

F & L'er
Starla

Love Covers A Multitude...

Don't disregard the ordinary, make it extraordinary.  We are not just ordinary we are extraordinary!  We got to know who we are in Christ.  Life is an adventure.  WE never know what tomorrow will bring.  Blessings, surprises, or someone could come into your life that needs our help.  We should never be bored.  Life is a gift that must be shared with others.  Opportunities are everywhere even when we are being attacked.  Attitude is everything.

 

Jesus just went about and met needs whether big or small, he did good things for others.  He stopped healed, shared the truth & encouraged.  May seem small but who knows how big it becomes.  Like the waves in the ocean they come into the shore and who knows where it ends when it goes back out... I believe all things we do, do the same.  It can be life changing! = )  Someone did it for me & others still are.  I would not be where I am with out all the little things others took time to do for me.  And who knows you could even be entertaining or helping an angel.  Either way it is a test and it is up to us if we are going to take time to stop and do what we can do. 

 

"Write your plans in pencil and give God the eraser."

 

God Bless and have an AWESOME weekend ladies!

 

TiNa = )

 

 

 

A Cheer For Your Efforts

#1051   A Cheer For Your Efforts

When you try to help others overcome their sadness, don't demand perfection. Don't expect to always be successful in cheering up every person every time you try. Demanding such perfection will lead to discouragement when you are not successful.

It is not realistic to expect perfection, but if you personally master an optimistic outlook on life and try to cheer up others, you have a chance of succeeding frequently. Be grateful for your successes, even partial ones, and learn from instances when you were unsuccessful.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.184)

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Life Is Now"

 

Opportunity

Opportunity

============

Opportunity is missed by most people

because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

~Thomas A. Edison~

 

 

Jesus Calling

To good not to share!! Enjoy! :0)

 

Jesus Calling

Come to Me with empty hands and an open heart, ready to receive abundant blessings. I know the depth and breadth of your neediness. Your life-path has been difficult, draining you of strength. Come to Me for nurture. Let me fill you with My Presence: I in you, and you in Me.

My Power flows most freely into weak ones aware of their need for Me. Faltering steps of dependence are not lack of faith; they are links to My Presence.

John 17:20-23; Isaiah 40:29-31

Excerpt from the devotional book, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.

Have a great night F & L'ers

Starla

Daily Lift = )

 

#1047   Assume Others Will Like You

I have met people who are totally free from self-consciousness. They tell me that they always assume that others will like them and think positively of them. As one person told me, "I decided to be the opposite of someone who is paranoid. A person who is paranoid always thinks that others are against him. Unless I have reason to believe otherwise, I always think that others will like me. Of course, I am careful to protect myself and don't do anything stupid. But assuming that others will like me has worked wonders for me throughout my life."

 

Wasting Energy

 

Wasting Energy

===============

It is a waste of energy to be angry with a man who behaves badly, just as it is to be angry with a car that won't go.

~Bertrand Russell~

 

Let Go of Your Anger

Make it a regular practice to imagine being calm and relaxed in situations that are likely to arouse your anger. As you increase your levels of patience and humility, you will increase your freedom from anger.

Today, be totally committed to let go of any anger that you begin to experience.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," pp. 111-5, and Anger: The Inner Teacher)

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Life Is Now"

 

 

Are we just being IGNORANT?

IGNORANT

 

Ignorant literally means NOT AWARE

 

-ANT on the end of a word is performing an action or existing in a certain condition.

 

So we can see by this word that to be ignorant is to be performing the action - IGNORE!

 

Dictionary.com says Ignore means : to refrain from noticing or recognizing

 

Some say " oh well they did that in ignorance." Really or did they just choose to be in the action of Ignoring the issue, situation, or circumstance?? Ignoring the truth....

 

I think we IGNORE things more than we think...

 

I know I do.

 

That is why it is important to put people in place around you that will shake your vision, shake your heart, shake your thinking....Let God place people in your life that He can use to SHAKE YOU!!!

 

Another thing that I thought of while pondering this word, have you ever noticed how you ignore the ants on the sidewalk because they are so small. That is what we do you know?? We ignore things in our lives choosing to step over them like they are small ants on our path of journey....step on a fire ant hill and try to ignore that!!!

 

Tina was the one who brought this word to my attention the other day. Saying Ignorance is a choice to ignore something.

 

Today I was reading in ACTS 3 and I came upon these verses :

Acts 3:17-19  "Now, fellow Israelites, I know that you acted in ignorance, as did your leaders. (Ignoring the truth the Jesus was THE CHRIST) But (now here comes the truth they ignored) this is how God fulfilled what he had foretold through all the prophets, saying that his Messiah would suffer. Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,

Do you see that lesson:

IF YOU FIND THAT YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING IN IGNORANCE: REPENT AND TURN TO GOD ( ACCEPT THE TRUTH ) THAT YOUR SINS (MISSING THE MARK....NOT SEEING OR BEING AWARE OF THAT TRUTH)  MAY BE WIPED OUT, THAT TIMES OF REFRESHING MAY COME!!! (RENEWING OF THE MIND AND REVELATION)

Let us all begin to see, hear, understand and speak truth --one to another and especially to OURSELVES!

 

F & L'er

Starla

 

I read this, this morning and thought WOW that is Good! Gotta share it! = )

 

Slow Me Down Lord

Slow me down, Lord!

Ease the pounding of my heart

By the quieting of my mind.

Steady my harried pace

With a vision of the eternal reach of time.

Give me,

Amidst the confusions of my day,

The calmness of the everlasting hills.

Break the tensions of my nerves

With the soothing music

Of the singing streams

That live in my memory.

Help me to know

The magical power of sleep,

Teach me the art

Of taking minute vacations

Of slowing down

To look at a flower;

To chat with an old friend

Or make a new one;

To pat a stray dog;

To watch a spider build a web;

To smile at a child;

Or to read a few lines from a good book.

Remind me each day

That the race is not always to the swift; That there is more to life Than increasing its speed.

Let me look upward

Into the branches of the towering oak

And know that it grew great and strong

Because it grew slowly and well.

Slow me down, Lord,

And inspire me to send my roots deep

Into the soil of life's enduring values

That I may grow toward the stars

Of my greater destiny.

-- Wilfred A. Peterson

Have a great weekend!

 

Are we just trying to cope?

When we are competent -- we have sufficient skill to deal with situations.

When we are trying to COPE -- we are struggling.

When we are living in the COPE-TENT Our mind is camping in a difficult spot, we are struggling to survive but we are managing to get things dealt with...With our own knowledge, with our own skills and understanding.

BUT when we accept M into our midst and move from the cope-tent to coMpetent we find that we are suddenly properly qualified.

Why is that you ask?

Because the M is MESSIAH.

Hebrews 13:20-21 Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

When we receive Christ we don’t have to settle for coping with this life. We can become competent....we can become equipped for doing His will!!!

We COPE with situations by worry and fret, and trying to figure out what to do...

We  can become COMPETENT when we learn to cast our cares upon the Lord, to pray and trust that the Lord with bring the right thing at the right time to supply our needs.

Simply re-read those last two sentences and just FEEL how peaceful that second one is.... Jesus says my yoke is easy and my burden is light. With HIM it is not too difficult....With HIM we are qualified to do HIS WILL.

Rest your heart and mind in the Lord.

At the Rise and Shine Retreat Lysa Terkuest said (paraphrase and how I interpreted it) "Let those worries and fears that play in your mind over and over be a reminder to pray. When you pray ask Christ to be your portion for whatever is rolling over and over in your mind."

So if you are tired and hear yourself complain over and over in your mind : STOP and ask Christ to be your portion of energy to get through the day. If you are sad and down, catch those thought that say "I just cant do this anymore!" and STOP and ask CHRIST to be your portion of JOY today.

He will be that portion ...just as God sent a daily portion of manna to the children of Isreal...

Have Faith in CHRIST and let Him transform your cope to COMPETENT!!!

F & L'er
Starla

A foolish thing

Proverbs 29:9 A sage trying to work things out with a fool
   gets only scorn and sarcasm for his trouble.

A sage is someone who is considered to possess wisdom, judgment, and experience.

A person who is wise wants the person who is foolish to learn. The Bible tells us that they will only get scorn and sarcasm for even trying.

SCORN and SARCASM!!  ( doesn't seem fair does it ) That is why BELIEVING the Bible is so important!!

For wanting to help someone, you will get rejection & ignored with contempt and a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark.

 In our human understanding we think it would be kind and even the right thing to do to tell someone who is behaving foolishly that they are not making a wise choice. BUT remember a FOOL is someone who is proven to act or play (with) irresponsibly and is a squanderer of his blessings. This is a person who is careless with what they do have. ( Luke 16:10 If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won't be honest with greater responsibilities.) This is a person who is careless with their trust, love, faith. They tend to make the same mistakes over and over again ...in the same areas over and over again. (haven't we all been there at one time or another)

Have you ever been a fool?? - one who does not learn from their mistakes. I have!! I believe that God has us going around that mountain AGAIN to show us our foolish ways. Choose to learn the lesson.

Have you ever been a fool who blames others for their bad decisions. I have!! I have chosen a decision based on what someone else said instead of searching my heart and spirit  or seeking the Lord for the way to go...and have used the excuse " well so and so said!!"  It's a lame excuse and the blame game only proved I needed to grow up and be responsible.

A fool thinks that getting rebuked for bad behavior is judgmental. Ever been there! I have!! Thinking some sincere person who loves me just want to condemn me and is judgmental ...when the truth is I am SELFISH and want my way.  Check your heart!!

A fool thinks its not them, it is everyone else that is the problem....they forget the common denominator. THEM! I have been here too... it's the PITY POT!! Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I'll go eat worms.. whaaaaa!!! GET UP off that pity pot and look at you!! Check yourself...

SO...do yourself a favor and listen to the WORD of God:

Proverbs 14:7
Go from the presence of a foolish man, When you do not perceive in him the lips of knowledge.

( it doesn't say be unkind or mean to them, it says GO FROM THEIR PRESENCE!)

I think we could use this verse for ourselves...ever have two voices going off in your head at the same time...The Voice of The Spirit and the voice of Self. LISTEN and when you DO NOT perceive knowledge in that voice of SELF ...RUN to the Lord!!!!!!!!!

 

 If you get this type of reaction (not willing to learn) from another when you are sincerely trying to help them ....move on...someone has their ear and God knows who to send to get the message through. :0) ...don't waste you time driving yourself NUTS! Discern the difference and walk in peace.

PS...IMPORTANT ...don't forget to check your heart too when wanting to correct someone...be determined that you will be one who is of a teachable spirit!!

F and L'er

Starla